Such Is Life
by moaaa
Summary: ".. and I'd never admit it, but on that cliff, a tear fell onto Jacob Black's chest. And no one would know, but that was the most wonderful tear to ever overwhelm my eyes."


**Warnings: A lot of cursing ahead. Set somewhere in Eclipse. After the newborn fight - though it won't be mentioned - and before Edward and Bella's wedding. **

**Disclaimer: Yeah. Don't own.**

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I hardly acknowledged them as my Alpha and his pregnant imprint walked in the room, hushing everyone in the process. I barely did anymore. There was hardly a point.

I wanted to pretend it all had gone away: the bitterness, the pain, that all of it was gone and I felt fine.

Except, I'm not stupid and I've never been one to be something I'm not. Instead, I suppressed it, pushing it so far down my throat and passed my esophagus, I felt as if I'd implode. As if I'd fold in on my self one day, retreat back into my shell so far no one would be able to find me.

I hated the fact that I would _love _it there. I'd love the isolation and everything it brought with it.

Shying away from those thoughts, I tuned back in. Because that train of thought never led to anywhere good. "..and I are getting married!"

It was easy to believe that was the part I had caught on to. The pack started cheering and congratulating them, but I could almost feel the worried glances they tossed over their shoulders at me when I didn't do the same.

I really didn't want to make a scene, so I did my best to put on a convincing smile. It's not like this announcement wasn't inevitable, as if no one was expecting it. I had been preparing for this, bulking up mentally for the onslaught it would undeniably bring on with it.

Everything I had suppressed threatened to rise to the surface, make me choke on my own words, and trip over my own two feet. It wasn't so easy to hide it this time, and I could feel the unconvincing smile fall from my lips, and a twisted grimace mar my face instead.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked around to see Jacob giving me a sad, understanding smile. Oh right, he knows how it feels, having been through all of this, plus with Bella. It comforted me, knowing someone else shared my pain and knew the torture of a heart that'd been broken and ripped apart, stomped on and metaphorically laughed at.

I didn't smile back.

"And Leah," I turned back to Emily, giving her another small, fake smile to encourage her. I mentally scoffed. I wanted to believe I was a wonderful actress. "I'd really love it if you'd be my Maid Of Honor."

There was a beat of silence as everyone looked between us. However, no one was as shocked as me. I was attempting to fathom the extreme audacity of people.

So much for not causing a scene. I stood up, blinking back tears. "Who the hell do you think you are, asking me to be your goddamn Maid Of Fucking Honor. Do I look stupid, or do I just seem like another one of your goddamn pet projects. I don't need your fucking sympathy, or your shitfaced pity. Oh God, especially not your pity."

I stopped my rant, running a hand through my hair, looking around. I turned to Sam, taking a deep breath to prepare myself for what I was about to say, "You promised me the world, then broke my heart and left me for my cousin."

"Leah.." He started, but I cut him off. "No, I need to say this and you all need to hear it."

"The world. You said we would have it all. Kids, a house, hell, you even threw in a goddamn puppy," I took a deep breath, "And then you left. There's no other way to say it. You _left_. And then you came back, and even though, now I understand exactly what happened, it still hurts so bad, seeing you so cold and distant. And then you tell me, 'Leah, I'm leaving you for Emily.' Fuck, do you know how it felt, do hear those words? Of course not, since you were the bastard who uttered them."

I stopped again, this time turning to Emily. "And then you. My best friend, my _cousin_. I know, I know, you were helpless because of the imprint. But, did you even try? Did you even try to stop, and think, 'How is this hurting my best friend, my _cousin_?' I doubt it. You just paraded around fucking Sam in your fucking happy life and you just forgot about Leah."

"Leah, you're out of line," Sam voice was deep and dangerous, but at this point, he could kiss my ass and I wouldn't give a fuck.

"Why, because I'm telling the truth? Fuck off Sam. I'm saying what I have to." I ran a hand through my hair, hating how it didn't go nearly long enough as I'm used to.

"But, now Leah's back, and she's a bitter harpy who makes everyone sad because she's sad, because she's a goddamn wolf with no choice and no clue what to do, how to make herself happy. "

I felt it happening, the implosion. I was caving in, my stomach churning and trying to suck the rest of me up.

My heart went first.

I fought it. Damn, did I fight it. There was only one way to fix it, fix myself, and I knew what I had to do.

Tears pricked my eyes. "And I do want to be happy," I stared at the ground, turning around to face my pack, the only family I had, the ones I made miserable daily, just by my presence.

"Guys, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to make you sad too. I really wouldn't wish this type of horrible pain on anyone, and I feel horrible to be the one to make you feel it, even if just a portion of it." I never thought I'd see the day where I apologized, but, it felt right.

"Leah, it's okay," Seth stood up, beginning to make my way over to him.

"Shut up Seth," I smiled a little, bitterly. "It's not okay, and we all know it. Why do we really pretend it is? We all hurt in some way. I know it. And we all have our own ways of healing."

I turned back to Emily, who had a mixture of emotions on her face. I took her hand, which more than shocked us all. It down right, _floored _me. But I was doing what felt right now, playing it by ear and letting my heart guide me carefully through the muck that was my life.

I felt stupid for all of this, spewing out my goddamn heart and letting them all see how bad it really fucking hurts. But if it'll make them see and make it a little easier on all of us, I would keep on.

"And, if after all of the bullshit I just spewed, you still want me to be your Maid Of Honor: I'll do it." Emily lit up, nodding and hugging me tightly, much to my dismay. I didn't hug back, just gently pried myself away from her and left the house before they could question my sudden change of heart.

I walked to the cliffs at a leisurely pace, just enjoying the scenery and feeling light.

The implosion had padded away, retreating into that place where no one could touch it. It probably felt nice there, but the desire to stow away there wasn't so heavy.

I sat down at the highest one, where we jumped. My feet dangled over the edge as I stared up at the sky. I could see dark clouds on the horizon and knew a big storm was coming.

I felt liberated, if a little scared. I had finally said all I needed too, all I'd wanted to for the longest time. And, I had done something that made me feel good about myself.

I heard footsteps behind me.

"That was a good thing you did," Jacob's rich voice sounded behind me and I felt his warm presence settle next to me carefully.

"Yeah, I know," I said carefully, knowing I was treading on thin water. I didn't want to really talk about it, but the next thing I said seemed to flow freely from my mouth. "I couldn't let them win. I couldn't let Sam still have that grip on me. It would have killed me. I have to move on."

I sighed, burying my face in my hands. "You guys must think I'm so pathetic."

I heard Jacob snort. "Yeah, that's what we think." I heard him throw a pebble down into the waves, watching it fall and disrupt the peace.

"Pay more attention Leah. You'll see how we all admire you. We all agree we would have left already, pack duties be damned."

I smiled, resting back on my hands and looking at Jacob from the corner of my eye. His body had really filled out since his phase. Muscles now lined every part of his body, but his eyes still held a boyish, playful charm that I commended. It was hard to keep innocence with all the shit we saw.

I snorted. "Yeah, right." We turned our heads to each other, looking each other in the eyes.

"_And_, you'd see how I think you're the most beautiful damn person in this world, tortured soul and all."

I laughed brightly, laying back. "Really?" I smiled. It'd been awhile since anyone complimented me. Jacob laid down beside me and you'll ask me in thirty years why I did it and I'll say who the hell knows, but it felt nice. I moved over, close, laying my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat, even as if sped up at my proximity.

An arm came around my side gently and tentatively. I could practically feel the smile that illuminated his face and basically the whole forest.

"Yeah. I've always thought you were beautiful Leah." His voice was gruff and I brought my hand to his chest, absently stroking his defined abs, not willing to let myself think about the girls that would kill to be in this position.

Right now, it was just me and a friend. Two kindred, damaged souls searching for comfort and finding it in each other.

"Ever since I was little, you know. I was too young to understand, but I wanted to protect you. When I first found out about what Sam did, I wanted to rip his balls off and gift wrap them for you. All for you."

A blush dusted my cheeks against my will, knowing he felt that way.

"And I remember thinking, 'How could he do this to the most beautiful thing to walk this Earth?' I would stay up thinking about it. You didn't deserve that. And I knew I couldn't let anyone else hurt you."

I started reliving all of the memories, me screaming at him. I yelled so much, I was hoarse. And then, there was nothing. Just that waiting implosion. It had been with me so long, rising to the surface when most vulnerable and retreating when I felt _strong. _But the only time I felt strong was right now, wrapped in someone's arms. Someone who cared. Other than right now, it would just wait for the right time to strike; driving me to the brink of insanity and watching as I clawed my way back.

The sun started to set and our breathing slowed.

Blue, orange, purple all swirled across the sky, and I'd never admit it, but on that cliff, a tear fell onto Jacob Black's chest.

And no one would know, but that was the most wonderful tear to ever overwhelm my eyes.

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_"You can sink to the bottom of the sea_

_Just don't go without me.."_

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**Jacob/Leah fic, because I am a diverse human being. (Not really, seeing as Jacob seems to be the center of my short attention span.)**

**Review! My first Jacob/Leah fic, and I hope I did well. The title and the lyrics at the bottom both hail from the song, "C'est La Mort", by The Civil Wars. Check it out. :)**

**xxEchelonAtHeartxx**


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